Deep today

This page is just like a diary.I bet No one comes to this corner of the internet.

If anybody ever comes here, just leave a message, you can just you know, even write how stupid i am.

I was reading all my previous posts and i dont know if it happens to anybody else, i just really am so surprised to see how stupid i was justĀ  few months ago.

It is just like on facebook.

I have already deleted so many pics that i uploaded few years back god knows thinking what.

Those are really embarrassing just like the old posts here on this page.

But embarrassing moments are what make the current us. so yeah.its good.

 

 

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I asked me to paint a picture for me as he is an incredible artist.

He did not.May be he forgot.Because i am not an important part of his life, If he had asked me to do something, i would forget everything else and do that thing alone until i am done.

Or may be he doesnt care, may be he thinks that if he did the sketch for me, i would get a wrong sign that he has a thing for me.

May be he does not want that.

Either way, he does not like me.

Fin

What was i gonna write?? ok.. Here it is.

 

Currently i am obsesses with the series gravity falls

Finished with the second season and not so interested in moving to the next season..rather just hit the enter button on the already watched ones over and over again.

The reason i decided to write up today is uff, i forgot.

I had terrible dream that i was gonna drown and i knew the entire town was gonna vanish and i realised i did not know to swim.

that was terrific

not much obsessed with the guy i mentioned before, but still have a thing for him and questioning myself do i really have what it takes to want a guy like that.

I am currently improvising on my technical skills

May be i should be eating a lil more and excersing a lil more to maintain my body attractive

haha

I dont know where this life will take me

Ok now i remembered this special thing i wanted to write about

Day before yesterday or may be the day before that, i specifically do not remember,

 

There was rakshabandhan, a very meaningful tradition in India,

I celebrated the next day of rakhi with my colleagues who i treat as my brothers from other mothers.

And a very shocking thing happened.

The guy apologized to me saying i had commented a lot before about you and today i m saying sorry fr all of that.

I wish you get the best in your life.

I am even getting a present from his end.

I got a 170/- chocolate bar from another bro.

Thats it for today???

Yeah…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just more confused!!!

Okay, i have, in the previous paragraphs, written about this man,(i do not want to say, “a guy” or “a boy” cz, he is way too matured to be called all of that)i admire and things now are more complicated.

We guys, probably group of 6 friends,met a number of times, and everytime i went, it was to see him.

I always wanted to talk to him more and we even did a couple of times. There is also, story of one night where we kept on chatting till 2 in the morning. I did not want to say goodnight and end the conversation, because i was definitely sure it was not going to happen again any time soon.

I learnt he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I told him i do not have any. I was continuously confused about whether he discusses the same way with his other friends.

He had told me about how difficult it was to get through his degree with financial crisis and also mentioned his ex-girlfriend.

I did not dig it through. Somewhere in the corner of my conscience, i did want to believe that he likes me, and i knew that digging through his ex stories might awaken me about the fact that he is not over her yet and that he is just a friend talking to me because he just feels comfortable in doing so. I did not want to know that.

i will continuously strive to be good enough for him and if goddess appeals this, we might one day become a happy couple, each aimed at the best of their lives.

Hey,

i cannot stop thinking about you since the day i saw you.. it has been very difficult for me

I think of that cute moment we shared and blush and blush and blush whole day ending up sighing..

Sighing desperately knowing that i wont get you ever

I may never see you again..may be.

But i am pretty sure you will know one day how much i was greedy about you.

I do not know how to define what i feel for you.Its not a lust, i dont really have thought of anything dirty,not even a big kiss.It is just that i like you.i like the way you are.I want to be like you.

Oh yeah,i am just adoring you,i envy you.Is there a feeling like that?

May be

You gave me that angry irritated look when i was laughing at something else.That,man,was really scary.More than scary,it did hurt.

It was that smile some people give me who think i am like a burden to earth and i am no one and just no one.

And that look,my dear gave me a chill throughout the body which reminded of the fact that i am born ugly and did not have any rights to dream high you know

And thats it, i stopped dreaming.

But this is cruel

Has anyone gone through this?

A guy you like, a guy who you think is perfectly perfect,a guy who is your role model, a guy who you wish you had,the guy who has a character you ever dreamt of in a man and thought was imaginary, The kind of guy who you thought you would never meet in this whole wide stupid world, is infront of you.

you don’t wanna look desperate,do you?.

you show some of your saved attitude, faking ignorance while you are dying inside to kiss him.

Yes i met this kind of guy and as usual, my fickle mind fell for him at the moment.My usual routine would be telling so called friends about how my “this time crush” looked like in the whole trip i had been to.

But this time,NO.

A big NO.

FYI, i am not a girlfriend material and more likely a T-boy.The moment i came back to room the day i saw him, i wanted to convert myself into a fancy GF, though i was sure he had one,a pretty one indeed may be.

Then i thought of this,the crucial point i wanted to make out of this whole story

Suppose i change for him, and luckily i get him, he might like the fake of me, the real me will be dying inside to come out and ask whether he would like that too.

If he doesn’t, what’s the point?

then i realized, if its meant to happen,it will.or else its time to move on with life.You love yourself first.

At the end,its you who will love yourself unconditionally.

Transform yourself into something that will please the god who is the only one who will love you eternally.

Did you feel this page is like wikipedia where you started reading something and ended up reading about solitude?

Good.